Sandy slouched through the kitchen as I was eating dinner the other day, the way he moved made me look again, yes he was heavier than he used to be, I wondered if he knew.
“Hey fella, you getting a bit podgy?”
“I am and it’s your fault.”
I was a bit put out at this accusation what did his weight have to do with me, I don’t feed him, Liz does, and I never, almost never, give him any doggie treats.
“My fault, how’s that then?”
“You never take me out walkies any more.”
That was a generalisation, I do take him out but, I have to admit, not as frequently as I once did, nor as often as I should.
“Well now young man that’s true but that’s not the whole story now is it?”
“How would I know, I’m just a dog”
“Yes but you’re a smart one and a smart dog knows there more to this than a quick generalisation.”
“I hear a lecture coming on Dad.”
“There’s a lot more to this than you’re admitting, let me tell you what I think.”
“Please don’t be too long, it’s near dinner time.”
“OK, first I’ll admit I don’t take you out for a walk as much as I used to.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Sorry boy but that’s not right, you said that I never take you out any more.”
“All right but you don’t take me out enough”
“I agree but there are reasons for that and one or two other relevant points to make.”
“Hmmm … let’s hear the “relevant points” first.”
“Right, I’m not the only person in the house that can take you walkies. How often do Liz or Lauren take you out?”
“Well, not that much, but they do other things for me.”
He’s looking uncomfortable with the way this conversation is headed and tries to divert me.
“They let me sleep in my bed in their rooms at night for one thing.”
“Are you saying I stop you sleeping in my room?”
“Well no Dad, but it doesn’t happen too often and I feel a bit put out at that.”
This dog is a daemon for ducking the issue, so I attack.
“How many times have I put your bed in my bedroom but you move off in the night to another place?”
“Now Dad, I’m not sure about that.”
I’ve got the wee devil and press my point.
“Come on how many times?”
He’s on the ropes.
“Well Pop I didn’t want to say this but as you’ve pushed me into a corner I’ll have to tell you the truth, you snore so loud that I can’t sleep in your room so, trying not to hurt your feelings, I wait till you’re asleep then go elsewhere.”
I’m out for the count.